Scene: Writers room, neat.
JR WRITER #1: So, ya'll should tell us what your plan is.
RONALD MOORE: Plan?
DAVID EICK: What Plan?
WRITER #2: You told everyone you had a plan for the show.
W#1: You even opened with "And they have a plan" in most credits.
MOORE: The Cylons have a plan silly, not us.
EICK: We're not Cylons...
MOORE: You didn't seriously believe what a producer says to get money out of other people, do you?
EICK: ... I mean, we've already revealed all twelve models...
MOORE: Anyway, David and I will work it out.
Scene: Same room, destroyed. Littered take out and empty booze bottles abound.
MOORE: We could reveal more Cylons. That's always worked in the past?
EICK: Did you even hear what I told the other writers?
MOORE: Uh, sure. OK.
EICK: I know! It could all be a dream!
MOORE: I think that's been done before.
EICK: Hm. We could just end it with some big explosions, then a peace, then more explosions. Lots of minor characters die, then the main characters live happily ever after.
MOORE: Where will this happen?
EICK: On Earth! They'll get to our Earth! After the end of Season 4.0, that will be a big twist. Nobody will see it coming.
MOORE: (Quietly) Everyone and their dog will see it coming. (Normal Voice) We pretty much have to do that. But happily ever after? We'll never win critical acclaim if everything is happy....
EICK: Right! ... So we'll have Roslin die. She's been dying for the entire show, so we call it foreshadowing.
MOORE: Good!
EICK (On a roll): And ... we can insert flashbacks about scenes to make everything seem fated! Ooh. Spooky.
MOORE: You mean like LOST does all the time?
EICK: Oh, nobody watches that anymore.
MOORE (Rolling eyes): Whatever. And the loose ends?
EICK: What loose ends?
MOORE: Well, the Baltar and Gaius hallucinations, for one thing.
EICK: Oh.
Show clock moving ahead 6 hours.
MOORE: I've got it! This is the SciFi Channel, so they should be ANGELS.
EICK: What?
MOORE: Well, America is divided into those that believe in Aliens and those that believe in Angels ...
EICK: Yeah, but our viewers are pretty much Alienists.
MOORE: That's what makes it shocking! Vaguely insulting! Edgy!
EICK: I like it! So the Caprica that only Baltar sees?
MOORE: Angel!
EICK: And the Baltar ...
MOORE: Angel!
EICK: Starbuck?
MOORE: (Pausing) Angel! We never said how many Angels there can be! Woo-hoo!
EICK (Getting into the spirit): And then they can jump forward in time and the Angels can discuss how we're fucking up our new planet, and technology is dangerous and evil.
MOORE: Goodbye Vancouver, Hello LA!
EICK: And then the Angels can say they should talk to the Pope!
MOORE (Suddenly Sober): What?
EICK: Well, they are angels...
MOORE (Shaking head): Well, never get invited to LA with that. What if they say something cryptic like "God doesn't like to be called that name." Then they could be referring to the Pope, but it sounds all pagan-y.
EICK (mulling it over): I suppose.
MOORE: Trust me, chicks dig that 'spiritual, but not religious' crap.
EICK: OK!
TRANSCRIPT ENDS.