I know times are tough all around, so I'm offering you a business suggestion. I suggest you offer computer protection. Affordably priced, say $100 a year. But, you protest, "I am just a humble businessman, and am befuddled by computers, as much as the next honest entrepreneur."

I know. I know.

What would I expect for $100? Sympathy. I'd call you up, and say "Mr. Honest Businessman, some bastard of a hacker snuck a virus onto my system, and now I'm getting pop-up ads offering to help me work at home earning a degree in computer art to design advertisements that offer to Make. Her. Ecstatic."

You would reply "That sounds terrible," and listen while I bitch about the 10 hours lost cleaning up my system. Believe me, a sympathetic listener is worth the money.

We will both be shocked and saddened to hear about that young hacker's suicide, via a silenced pistol to his temple. Such a tragedy. No doubt we will commiserate about the troubled state of modern society, leading a troubled young person towards a life of idle crime and destruction, which spiraled inevitably to self-destruction.

Signed, One of many

P.S. For now, I will get my sympathy via Malware-bytes, which will be getting some of my money, assuming that my computer is still working in a month. Technically quite proficient, but not nearly as sociable.

It has been agreed by all that Das Mullet would be a good game. All you aspiring designer take note.

Just to be ornery, I'll have to post something non-Race soon. Other than that I'll be the same blog, except with more groupies. I promise to keep my scandals interesting, and I'll inspect my hookers for Adam's apples.

Bah-roh-ken. It's all about the Gimmel.

Carry on.

Ooh, V is for violence! -- AlphaOops, the Day Z went First

(Pictured) Thomas Ewert, co-designer of Container, signing a copy. Not pictured: Miss Canada Aleisa Fieldberg, crown nicely in place, filling baggies with plastic containers as the games arrived in the late afternoon to a desperate and fevered crowd

From Robot Chicken ...

Take a standard 2-player sporting game. Put the player in the roll of a coach, desperately trying to win. Make the athletes four-year olds. Just imagine it. Give detailed orders, to no effect! Each player has one piece ("The coach's kid") who understands the rules, but is still more interested in snack time. [Done right, with just a bare modicum of control, this could be fun].

And yes, my kids did well in T-Ball. Especially if by 'did well' you mean 'got snacks.' I'm the proud father of the youngest contract hold out, with a long list of demands.

I'll leave it to those of you who understand baseball to work on the T-Ball adaptation. (I like the idea of having individual player cards, ala PtP or Strato, but with stats like Snack Susceptibility, Attention Span, Cuteness, and Parent Aggression.

As for me, I think I'll design "Pee Wee Football Strategy." Just imagine -- Defense puts down a card. Offense calls out "Long Bomb", then the defending coach flips "Safety Blitz." Let's cross-reference:

"The safeties cross the line quickly, then get distracted into tackling each other. The left wide receiver goes racing down the sideline, only to trip and be hustled away crying by an overprotective parent. The other WR runs a quick slant at five yards. The QB's throw lands at the line of scrimmage. Several minutes later he is tackled. No gain."

Afterwards the coaches order pizza, just like real Pee Wee football!